Inner Beast: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Read online

  The only thing left at the moment that he asked me to work on is the guest room. I have been sleeping in Marcuses room. I haven’t been back to the house. I washed my clothes that I brought with me in his laundry machine but I haven’t worn them. I’ve lived in his shirt and his boxers.

  I powered on my phone a few times. Noticing that he never did send me any messages. It stung but we never defined what we were doing. What we were and knowing his type I chalked it off to be just being another notch on his bedpost.

  I walk into the spare room, I have until tomorrow to finish this room and then he comes home. I worked continuously that day, barely sleeping that night. The next day after I put the finishing touches on it I got ahold of my movers and had them come and pick up all the boxes and garbage. I took one final walk through the house and then I waited.

  I checked my phone several times. When it got dark I got discouraged, when it hit eleven at night I knew he wasn’t coming home. He didn’t come back. So I put on my clothes that I came in, I locked the front door then pushed the key through the mail slot in the door and I went home.

  When I got home I noticed the machine was blinking. There were several missed messages but I wasn’t ready to know. It could be my mother and even after two weeks, I am not ready to face her scrutiny again. So I walk into my room, kick off my shoes and peel off my clothes. I climb into my bed, and I cry. I let it all out.

  Tomorrow will be better.

  Chapter 15

  Alexis 26 years old.

  I’ve been home for another week and haven’t heard from Marcus which is fine as now I have no excuse but to focus back on work. Decorating his house made me remember how much I enjoy my job and lately how much I have been neglecting it because of the ongoing drama that is my life. I talked to Sam on the phone one evening for hours, her and Cole have been on the baby making train and so far nothing yet. She says they feel discouraged but it's only been just over a month since they started trying.

  I’m almost to a point where I feel like I can breath again, the tension eases and I feel ok. It's been about nine days now since I was in Marcus’s house. So when I walked into work as part of my daily routine and I see a broad man standing in the shop talking to my other right hand man Jasper I stop dead in my tracks. From the first visual I think its Marcus but then I notice he has blonde hair and not brown like Marcus. He isn’t as wide or tall. He stands with his back to me but I know. I know who this is. When he speaks to Jasper I feel my stomach drop. My palms sweat. I can feel my chest clenching my arms tingling. I don’t think I’m breathing, its has if my mind is outside of my body yelling at me to breath.

  Carter Taylor is in my shop, standing about ten feet in front of me. He doesn’t realize I'm in the room so I start backing up slowly. Still holding my breath, possibly thinking that if I don’t breath then I can freeze time. That he will remain frozen and won’t turn around. Just as I feel the door touch my back I see the recognition in Jaspers face. I turn around quickly, and flee. I run out of the shop, I run down the road and I jump into the first taxi that I see on the curb.

  No. Just. No.

  Carter 26 years old.

  It’s been nine years. Nine years that I have been looking for her. Wanting to explain what happened and for her to finally hear my story. When the rumours started she broke up with me. She ignored me, she wouldn’t talk to me. She blocked my number. When I showed up at her house her parents turned my away. Her mother told me I should be ashamed, and I was ashamed but not because I did anything wrong because I didn’t.

  She doesn’t know that yet. She doesn’t know what my parents did. How they are the reason that we were ruined.

  Chapter 16

  Carter 17 years old.

  My phone blows up everyday with messages from different scouts trying to recruit me to their college. They’ve been impressed with my hockey stats. Ali has applied to a lot of the same colleges, and I have been waiting to see which one she gets into. I plan to go to the same one as her. For us to make this major life change together. We have looked at all the brochures, gone through all the pros and cons of each. We have searched apartments in all the different cities. All we know is that we want to do this together. Each new experience as we support each others dreams. Ali’s family want her to go into law despite Ali’s hate for anything law related. She even hates shows with lawyers that pop up occasionally. Her dream is to become an interior decorator and she’s good at it. With every empty apartment we have looked at she has already told me exactly how we will decorate it. She asks for my input but I just smile at her, this is what makes the happiest and so I tell her to just choose.

  As long as she is there, that’s all that matters to me.

  One night after Ali leaves I head down to the kitchen for a snack and see my dad. He is the one who taught me how to skate, signed me up for hockey and although he is very absent he is always enquiring about my games. He continues to push me to be the greatest, to be someone he can boast to his buddies about.

  “Hey Art my boy, are you all ready for that game tomorrow?” He says in his stern voice.

  “Yup, should be an easy win.” I say back to him as I walk over to the fridge to grab the milk.

  “Have you decided on a college yet?” He asks.

  I take a deep breath knowing exactly where this conversation is going. It's the same talk we have had several times and each time it never ends well. I grab the milk and close the fridge. “Nope, not yet dad. Still waiting to hear which colleges that Ali has gotten into.” I say walking past him to the cupboard where I grab a bowel.

  “Well don't you think it's more important to put your career first? Not all colleges are the same you know. You would have more opportunities with specific ones and they have deadlines on their offers. You should be putting your career first, there will be more girls. You will want to be single anyway during college. You can’t live a true college life with a ball and chain.”

  I walk over to the pantry and grab the cereal and then walk back over to the bowl and pouring it in.

  “Ali isn’t some girl dad.” I say not looking at him. “She is the girl. I’ve told you this before. I will go pro based on my skills not the college that I attend. If they want me that bad they will wait for me to make my choice.” I tell him

  “Thats the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.” He says next. I can tell he is getting angrier.

  I start speaking again while I close the cereal box and grab the milk to pour it in. “You think it's stupid dad but this is my choice, not yours.” I pick up the cereal and the milk and walk them back to their homes in the kitchen. I can tell my dad is still unhappy. That what I have said has not eased him in anyway.

  “Your making the wrong choice son.” He says. “You will grow up to regret this, you could miss out on a once in a life time opportunity.”

  I grab a spoon out of the drawer then walk over to my bowl picking it up off the counter.

  “I will regret if I lose her too.” I say, defeated. I walk out of the room to go back to my bedroom. I often feel like my dad is the most supportive person in the world, until my relationship comes into question. He would rather me be single and in the NHL and I want to be in the NHL, but I also want it all. I want the girl and the career and I shouldn’t have to choose.

  I walk into my room and close the door then pick up my phone and text Ali.

  Me: Goodnight beautiful. Cant wait until we no longer have to leave each other at night. See you soon. <3

  She replied immediately.

  Ali: Love you, can’t wait either.

  My phone goes off again and I think it’s her, but It’s not. My blood instantly boils and rage consumes me.

  Courtney: I can’t wait to see that tantalizing cock in person, to make you all mine. I know what I do to you, and I can’t wait to show you exactly what you do to me. Did you enjoy those wet panties I slid into your locker today. It was all from thinking of you babe, and from looking at that
picture you sent me.

  I drop my phone on the floor and set my bowl down on the table by the beside. I deep breath and try to figure out how to get out of this mess.

  How could I fuck up so badly. I can’t lose her, I won’t lose her. I just can’t.

  Chapter 17

  Alexis 26 years old.

  I walk into my building, straight to the elevator. I don't even know who is manning the desk right now. My mind is completely fogged in. It’s like looking at everything in the world through beer goggles. My brains a mess, my nerves are shot. My legs wobble with every step. My face tickles, so I reach up to wipe my face and only then notice that I was crying. My body feels vacant and numb. When the elevator dings I get out and walk to my condo, take out my keys and walk into my place. I throw my purse on the entry table and head into my bathroom. With my clothes fully on and my shoes still on I walk into the shower and turn it on, the initial shock of the cold water hits me and startles me back into the present. I turn the dial so the water is warmer and I sit down allowing the water to cascade down my skin and soak my clothes. To wash away the pain and memories. To wash away Carter Taylor and everything that he made me feel again just from seeing the back of him. I didn’t even see his face. I barely heard his voice, how can he still possess such power over me after all this time.

  I take a few deep breaths and then finally reach up and turn off the water. My hair is drenched and my clothes are soaked. I kick off my heels and throw them out of the shower. My mind remains fogged but despite this I still find the will to stand. My legs wobble as I walk over to the sink and stare at my reflection. My make up is streaming down my face from the crying, and the aftermath of the shower. I feel slightly better though, it pulled me back to the present slightly. I strip out of my clothes and while still naked I walk my soaked clothes over to my hallway laundry throwing them into the washing machine than leaning into the cold machines.

  He is here, Carter is here in Seattle. I know he called and he told me he was here. He was persistent and I should have taken him seriously but I can’t get over it. I have not seen this man in over nine years. He shattered my essence, he crushed my hopes and dreams and make me the biggest laughing stock of our school We were together for years. He was my best friend, so when I found out he cheated, found out from the gossiping in the school I was shook. The feelings I am having now, they remind me of that time and that was the reason I knew I needed to climb into that shower.

  It was spring of high school. We had finally chosen an apartment, I got into several different colleges that I had applied to and Carter had offers from most of the same ones. There was Seattle, New York, California or Arizona. We were accepted into several other place but out of everything we had narrowed in down to these four states. We grew up in Amarillo, Texas. We wanted to get as far away from home as possible. Carter adored his family and they truly were the kindest people but Carter often complained about his father and how he was impossible to please. He never told me all the details but anytime his dad walked into the room regardless of how nice he was I could see Carter tense up as if he was on the edge of a cliff and was scared to look.

  We ended up choosing New York. The possibilities that it brought were endless. New York is known for making dreams come true, they had a hockey team Carter respected and the school he was offered was one he was excited about, New York University. The school I was accepted into was amazing, it was also New York University. We found a small bachelor apartment close by and it was a dream that was too good to be true. We would both be going to New York, and we would be going to the same university. We were going to achieve our dreams.

  I never made it New York, and the dream died before I had even started packing. The weird messages that Carter would get and then shut down about were coming too much to bare. He never told me who they were from. My world stopped on its axis when I walked down the hallways in high school and overheard the guys talking form the hockey team about how Carter was the man. About how he’s even able to keep up the facade, keeping his girlfriend and fucking other woman. They were high fiving and fist bumping while throwing words like gullible, stupid and blind out in the air. “Did she seriously think he would never stay, that he would never want another pussy again. How gullible is she. How naive.” The guys then went on to talk about Courtney, her rack and about how she’s a screamer. A locker door slammed and I jumped which caused the guys to turn and see me standing there. Standing there caught and blinded by their stares and harsh words. I didn’t know what to do. It couldn’t be true. So I ran. I ran and I hid in the girls bathroom. I was wiping my tears when a group of girls name in and the embarrassment and the torture started all over again.

  Flash back.

  “Did you hear?” Girl one says.

  “Oh my god, YES! I was wondering if they would last after high school. I guess not right,” Girl two says.

  My jaw and my heart drops. I close my eyes and pray this is just a dream. I promise to never have sex again until marriage. I promise to get along with my mother. I promise to go to law school Anything, I plead into the universe anything to make this not true.

  The girls keep talking about how they want a round with Carter, they ask each other if they think I will how my face in school that day. They quiet down when the bathroom door opens again and I sigh in the silence, feeling relief in the moment where they ono longer speak such acidic words.

  When you're down though the punches keep coming. I hear Courtney. My life long friend.

  “Hey girls.” She says, I hear the clicking of her shoes against the floor as she comes closer.

  “Courtney, is it true.” Girl two asks.

  “Yah Court, he can’t believe it. How long has this been going on?” Girl one asks.

  “Yah.” Courtney says. “We’ve been talking for a long time, we have been sexting and sending nude photos to one another for while and then finally we just couldn’t hold off anymore. It was in a heat of passion. The first time was in his truck and then we haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other ever since.”

  “No way” The one girl shouts, I can not longer differentiate the voices. My heart has shattered. The air has been sucked out of the room. My skin feels like it's crawling and I feel like im going to throw up. I can feel my eyes stinging, my heart breaking. I will myself to breath but I can’t. Hot tears escape my eyes and a whimper escapes my throat. I stand up from the toilet and turn around immediately throwing up the entire contents of my stomach into it. I heave and heave until there is nothing left, nothing left to empty. My body convulses, the bile burns my throat and mouth. The taste as repulsive as the day.

  My life is ruined, my dreams are ruined. My whole life was set up with this one man. This one man who was everything to me. Who still feels like everything to me. Yes I was nothing to him. He deceived me and I don't understand it. I grab some of the toilet paper and wipe my face, throwing it in the toilet and flushing it. The bathroom has gone quiet. Which isn’t completely shocking as I just violently threw up and they now have realized they weren’t alone.

  I stand up and compose myself, fixing my hair and my clothes. Painting a look of contempt on my face. Trying to act unfazed. Trying to get out of this bathroom without their states and scrutiny. I turn around and unlock the stall, take a deep breath and push through the stalls. I hear gasps and I feel myself choke back the tears. I feel a ball in my stomach, my legs feel like cement.

  I walk over to the sink and wash my hands. Not making eye contact with anyone in the room. Walking over to the paper towel dispenser and taking one out.

  Courtney takes a step towards me. “I wanted to tell you, I’m so sorry Ali.”

  I ignore her, pretend she isn’t there. While telling myself to keep it together. Do not break in front of her, she has already taken enough from you.

  The girls in the room start whispering again and although I haven’t looked, or know who they are I can feel their sympathy. I can see the looks on t
heir faces. The feeling of guilt. I overhear them as I throw my paper-towel in the trash.

  “oh no, it's her.”

  “Do you think she heard us?”

  “I think so, do you think he knew?”

  I don't know who said what, I don't care. I walk into the hallway and it’s like everyone in the entire school knows and maybe they do. Maybe I was the last one to find out. Maybe I really am gullible and stupid. Stupid for giving myself one hundred percent, loving someone with every cell of my being. Loving a man so much that I have myself to him. Carter will always be engraved in who I am. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, I lost my virginity to him. We planned to live together, we wanted to eventually get married and start a family. Carter was always end game. He was it. He was the one I woke up talking to and went to bed talking to. He consumed me, he was my life.

  What was I. This whole time. What have I been to him?

  My stomach churns and I start walking, not looking at anyone. I can feel the eyes of my peers boring into the back of my skull. The look of pity, the look of comedy. They either hate me, or they feel for me. No matter what they feel I don’t care. I don’t to know. This is the last place I want to be.

  The agony feels like death.

  I see the exit doors coming into view and I walk faster pushing through the doors and walking out into the rain. The cold rain pelts off my skin and I suck in a sharp breath. A breath that makes me come back to reality. That makes my brain start processing. I hear my name being called out “Ali.. Ali please stop.” He pleads. “Please let me explain.”

  I reach my car, open the door and climb in. Once in I lock the doors and turn the ignition. Sitting there with the heat plastered, staring ahead while holding onto the steering wheel.

  Carter reaches the car and smacks his hand on the window.

  “Ali, please.” He sobs.