Inner Beast: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Read online

  “Ali.” He says looking into my eyes. “I can’t.” He looks down and lets go of my face. He stands up and walks away from me towards the door. I scratch my eyebrows in confusion.

  “Can't what?” I say.

  “I can’t lose you again. I won’t.” He says as he opens the door and leaves.

  I’m left utterly confused. He just left. He left and I didn’t feel like my heart was ripped from my chest and taken with him. I didn’t feel like I felt when I left Marcus.

  Chapter 27

  Marcus

  My mind was not in the game today. I took hit after brutalizing hit. I got absolutely fucked on the field and we ended up losing. The guys were pissed and although they didn’t say anything to me I could tell their anger was directed towards me. After the ice baths and physiotherapy I hope into my truck and went home.

  Ali has been on my mind repeatedly, she crept under my skin and this whole ordeal has been messing with me. Each thing about her makes me want more. Her hair, her smell, all the different emotional sides to her. The happiness, the pain and the cute way she gets stubborn and angry. I smile to myself as I drive up the driveway to my house, remembering the way she leaned to her one hip and demanded the keys, how she made sure I wouldn’t drive, how she cared. How she left.

  As I pull up to the house I see a matte black car and then I see Carter standing beside it. I instantly grip my fingers around the steering wheel and flex every muscle in my body. The hits I took today are nothing compared to how I feel right now. I can feel tension ripple down my spine, anger surges through me. I see him and I see red. I see the reason why my relationship has been so difficult and now here he is at my house. I can be civil with Ali, if that means she will chose me and see how much I love her and how we are right together I will be civil and give her the space she needs, but Carter. CARTER. He is at my house and I do not need to be civil with him. I try to remind myself that he is a lawyer and I cannot just hop out of this truck and punch him.

  Why is he even at my house, I think to myself. I pull up beside his car and shut off my truck, jumping out and rounding my truck a lot faster than I normally would. Advancing towards him with the animalistic fear that begs to break free from me.

  “Marcus listen.” He says with both hands up bracing himself from me. I can’t stand his face. I remember how Ali looked coming out of that restaurant, how he took her home. I can’t stand it. His hands touching her, touching what was mine. I walk up to him and punch him in the face. Carter falls to the ground at my feet, spitting out blood.

  “What the fuck was that for?” He asks me.

  “That was for touching her.” I say turning back towards the front door of my house. Afraid that if I continue to look at him things will get out of hand.

  “Marcus, Jesus fuck.” He says from behind me. I turn and look at him trying to stand, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his top, bracing himself on his car.

  “I love her too man, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way but I didn’t come here to throw fists with you.” He says to me.

  “Why did you come here then?” I ask him. “What the fuck made you think that this was a good idea?”

  “I needed you to know. I’m not going to give up on her, that I love her too.” He says to me.

  “And Ali?” I ask him. He looks at me in confusion.

  “Did she tell you what she wants?” He continues to look at me in confusion and then speaks.

  “She doesn’t know what she wants. I will make her see that I am the only one for her. We have history. You can’t come between us, you can’t break the connection that we have.” He says. I squeeze my fists again, tempted to walk back over to him and punch him. Seeing his smug face even with the new bruise that I gave him start showing still makes me angry.

  I turn back towards my house, pissed off and chasing to ignore him and his stupidity.

  Once I get to the door I turn and look back towards him. He still stands there looking at me.

  “Thats how we differ you know.” I say to him. “I want her to be happy regardless of who she chooses.” I open my door and walk into my house. The house she decorated. I walk straight to the pool room out back, a room she never touched. I strip off all my clothes and jump into the pool and start swimming laps. Trying to tire out my body and my mind.

  Carter

  I wipe the blood off my face and climb back into my car. Pissed off with Marcus lack of self control. Pissed that he actually punched me. The nerve he had to insinuate that I don't put her feelings ahead of my own. I start the car and drive off back into town. Speeding down the street trying to rationalize how he could think I was self centred. Everything I said was true. I loved her first, I loved her the longest. I have never given up on her.

  I stop at a red light and start to rethink everything again.

  I loved her first.

  I loved her the longest.

  I never gave up.

  Me, Me, Me and loved. I start to wonder if this whole time if I have loved her or loved the idea of her. Loved the way we were.

  A car honks behind me and I look up noticing the light was green and stomp on the gas. As I start to spend into the intersection cars start honking. I slam on the breaks just as the crunch happens and everything turns dark.

  Chapter 28

  Alexis

  Carter never name back that night so I spent the rest of the evening in my cocoon. I ate then went to bed. The next day I went to work and no one called, no one showed up. Two days later I started feeling more relaxed. I couldn’t believe how much my nerves were fried, how much emotional distress my body was in until I was out of it. I spent the days with my coworkers and at clients spaces. I smiled and for once didn’t think about my relationship woes. When I went home at night I did think about them. I thought about how I felt, truely felt. Carter was my greatest love and although I still have residual feelings for him they don’t match the affection I have for Marcus. He came into my life and he made it better, he made me trust him and fall for him. He took care of me without the expectation of being together.

  On day 4 with no contact from either of them I grew more and more to feel acceptance with my feelings. Carter was my past and Marcus is my future.

  I walked into the office that day to everyone looking pale and staring at me.

  “What’s going on?” I asked Tony with a smile on my face as I walked over to my desk.

  “Your mom called.”’ He says. “She said she’s been trying to call your house number but you haven’t answered and she hasn’t been able to leave a voicemail.”

  I curse under my breath as I never remembered to plug the stupid thing back in.

  “Ok, we’ll did she want.” I ask him.

  I can visually see Tony gulp and the people on the office get back to work, making themselves scarce.

  “She said there’s been an accident.” Me mumbles quietly.

  I tilt my head trying to process why she would be calling me about an accident.

  “Are her and dad ok?” I ask him

  Tony nods his head. “They weren’t in the accident, they were the emergency contact I guess.” Tony is looking down to the floor now shuffling on his feet. Emergency contact I wonder. The significance of it all escapes me. I look at him in utter confusion.

  “Carter was in a car accident.” He finally blurts out.

  I brace myself on my desk and stare at Tony. My brain goes into hyperdrive wondering the worst, my stomach drops and threatens to empty its fresh cup of coffee I had just put in it. I can feel myself deep breathing and yet I can’t. I feel out of my body, not in control. My limbs feel heavy, my chest aches.

  “You mom says he is fine and will be discharged today. He’s at Seattle Regional.” Tony finished.

  He’s fine I think. He’s fine. I push off the desk and head back for the door.

  “I’ll check in later.” Grabbing the cool medal handle of the door.

  “Don’t wor
ry about anything here. We have it under control.” He says and I believe him.

  I walk out onto the curb and hail a cab and head to the hospital wondering if I made the wrong decision, wondering if I can still choose Marcus after this. I battle with my inner demons knowing the only thing I truly care about right now if seeing him and knowing he is ok. The drive goes by in a blur and I honestly can’t remember a single light, stop or side street along the way. The cab pulls up to a stop at the main entrance to the hospital and I hop out paying the fair and running inside.

  Once in I head to the information desk and ask for Carter Taylor’s room number.

  “Are you immediate family?” The little old woman behind the counter asks.

  Without thinking I blurt out “I’m his wife.” To her to which she looks at the screen and back to me.

  “And you're only coming to see him now?” She says cynically. “I only just found out.” I tell her “I’ve been away.”

  She tsks and looks back down to the screen scribbling down a room number onto a piece of paper. As she hands it to me she gives me basic directions and says “marriage goes both ways darling. Word of advice. Be there.” I scoff at her directness, I know I’m not actually his wife but if I was this would be bold and out of line. Regardless I thank her and head swiftly off to the elevator banks. The closer I get the more nervous I feel. They’re discharging him that means he is fine, but I still worry about what happened, how and when. The elevator dings and the doors open. I look down at the scrap piece of paper. Six-eight-one-three. I walk down the hall around the machines and stretchers. I pass a nursing desk with employees. Six-eight-zero-nine, six-eight-one-zero, Six-eight-one-one, I see one-three another door down and rush into it. Carter sits on the bed, his arm in a sling. Bruising to his jaw and ribs. I keep staring at his bruised ribs realizing he is not wearing a shirt, he has ball shorts on and no shirt. I stand at the doorway as he looks out the window to his side. I take another step, hyperaware of how my heels click on the hospital floor. The only sound in the room it seems, the call bells fade into the background and there it is. That pull again. The thing that messes with my head, the history.

  I take another step closer to him. Carter turns his head this time fully towards me. He smiles at me but it’s not a big smile. It’s a small, sad smile. I smile back and continue walking slowly into the room.

  “How did you know I was here?” He asks me.

  “I didn’t know until thirty minutes ago, my parents called me. I guess their your emergency contacts and figured I should know.” I tell him.

  Carter looks back out the window, his demeanour has changed, things between us have changed. I walk over and sit on the foot of the bed facing the window, looking out at the buildings around us.

  “Are you ok?” I ask him.

  “In a sense.” He says.

  I turn and look at him, his sunken cheeks and pained expression.

  “Are you in pain? I can go find the nurse.” I say. Unsure of how to make this better.

  “The nurse can’t help me.” He says looking at me. “The pain I have isn’t just physical.”

  I reach up instinctively and cup his face examining the bruise to his jaw.

  “What happened?” I ask him.

  I can see his eyes glaze as he takes a breath and looks into my eyes. His hand reaches up to cup my hand on his cheek.

  “I was furious with him for trying to take something from me that I’ve needed. That I’ve desired. I’ve always compared everyone to you Ali and the love we shared. I grew to think that I could only have that with you, could only have that raw open heart adoration for you, but…. Marcus helped me see that I was only thinking about me. I wasn’t thinking about how you’ve been feeling and whether us was something you even wanted. I came back into your life and assumed because you weren’t actively in a relationship that we could have a shot. I think if maybe I was five years or even three years sooner I may have stood a chance but I’ve come to think that I’m more in love with the idea of being back with you than anything else. I was pushing you into this and never stopped to see if this was actually something you wanted.”

  I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

  “This is really heavy for a hospital room.” I joke with him, trying to gather my emotions.

  “I loved you Carter and I still feed off that passion from when we were kid when your around.”

  “But.” He says.

  “But I love Marcus.” My heart beats heavily in my chest as the tears continue to fall down my face. Carter drops my hand from face and wipes at my tears.

  “It’s ok Ali.” He says. “I want you to be happy. This sucks of course, but we’ve been separated for years I don’t hold anything against you. Your an amazing girl babe, you deserve happiness.”

  I look in his eyes and my heart melds. I lean forward and kiss the corner of his lips.

  We sat there both looking out the window for awhile, being there for one another in silence. When the nurse came in with his discharge papers I helped him with his shirt and carried his bag for him. When we went down to the lobby the little old lady watches us walk by and sneered. Only we knew the fib I told to get up to the sixth floor. Once outside I hailed a cab and when it pulled up I told Carter it was his.

  “You can’t tuck me into a cab and stay here.” He says to me. “You take this one and I’ll get the next.”

  “It’s no trouble.” I tell him. “Really.”

  “Ali, please don’t make this any harder. Get in the car.” He says to me.

  I reach out squeeze his hand.

  “Goodbye Carter.” I say to him.

  “Goodbye Ali.” He says.

  I hop into the cab and watch him as the car pulls away. Leaving him again like nine years before but this time differently.

  Chapter 29

  Marcus

  It’s been over a week since I last saw Ali. We have had two football games since. I’ve swam more laps than I can count. I have stared at the phone and contemplated calling her but never did. I don’t know what happened after Carter left, he probably ran back to her. Showed her the bruise and how much of a beast I am. How I’m a loose cannon. I have stewed and now I realize why Carter was so messed up about her. She creeps in under your skin and she doesn’t leave, like a disease she latches on to your heart and strangles it.

  I even went to Sams, visited helped put a crib together. Trying to distract myself while fishing for information.

  “Did you leave with Ali last week at my announcement party?” Sam asks.

  “Yup.” I say. “She drove my truck home for me.”

  “And?” She ask.

  “And nothing.” I tell her. “Ali drove me home then called a cab I paid the fair and she left.”

  “But you didn’t want her too.” I whip my head around towards her quickly.

  “A sister senses things, obviously more than you did.” She snickers.

  I groan at her. “Yah sure, I didn’t want her to leave.”

  “Then why did got let her?” She asks.

  “It’s not that simple Sammi.”

  “Because of Carter?” She asks.

  I stop what I’m doing and just look at her. “This is more than a sister sense.” I say deadpan. “What has she told you?” I ask.

  “We chatted this morning.” She says coyly.

  “Before you called me and asked me to come help with this million piece ikea crib?” I ask her.

  “Yup.” She says.

  “You called me here for more than a crib then.”

  “Yup.” She says again annoyingly, I love her but she’s getting on my nerves.

  “What did she say Sam?”

  “Ahhh, don’t act like you only came to help and weren’t secretly hoping for some intel too.”

  I roll my eyes and look for the 3A and 3B and the Satan screws that go into the six different wholes and the two different sized Allen keys to get it don
e.

  “Can’t we pay someone to do this?” I ask her.

  “No, it’s about the memories you twerp and don’t change the subject.” She says,

  I drop the pieces that make no sense and stand up from the floor, irritated and ready to order an already made one. Sam sits down where I was sitting and picks up the pieces putting them together with ease like she has the damn manual memorized.

  “Fine.” I say again. Sitting down on the nearby rocking chair. “Please Sam, what did she say?”

  She continues to put piece after piece together while she speaks, “she told Carter she didn’t love him. I guess he was in some accident was pretty banged up she said but it didn’t change anything. She said she was in love but not with Carter. She didn’t come right now and say your name either but like I said, a sister senses.”

  I lean back in the rocking chair and close my eyes.

  “She pushed him away.” I said aloud. “She said she didn’t love him.”

  “That’s what I said moron.” I tilt my head back down to her to see she’s examining some of the pieces.

  “Stumped?” I ask “or are the pregnancy hormones just making you bitter?”

  “Hah. Hah. Hah. Aren’t you hilarious.” She says to me. She drops the pieces and stands up.

  “Call someone to put this together.” She says.

  “But the memories.” I tell her. I smile to myself and grab my phone. There is only one person I know who can put furniture together like no ones business.

  I text Ali and tell her Sam needs help with a crib.

  She answers right away, “Tell her I’ll be there in thirty.” I smile at my phone at the message. She read it and answered right away.

  “Goodness man are you messaging her already, right in front of me. Can you say desperate.”

  “Pregnancy hormones.” I say to her. “I’m chalking up all your angry bitter outbursts to the hormones. I don’t think I like pregnant Sammi. How does Cole like this side of you?” I ask her.