Inner Beast: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 15

  I have been in a fit of rage ever since.

  When my little sister Sammi called and asked for me to come to this get together I almost didn’t. I knew she would be here but she is my baby sister and her husband is my best friend. I couldn’t get out of it. When I got here I started drinking right away. I told Cole what happened and told me to leave it alone. He told me not to bug her about it, he told me I had no right to be angry.

  But I am angry.

  I broke up with her that day and she ran to him. Sure I told her to but I’ve been that look before on her face. I know what she looks like when she has been fucked. Another man touched her, was inside her. That man was someone I also trusted. Another friend to me who has been a close ally. I want to break something and yet I can’t. I’m expected to be here for my sister.

  So I then tortured myself. I sought her out and could tell from her body posture that sh was upset but I needed her to tell me and I needed to know if she would lie to me.

  I asked her how she was and she stalled. My heart hammered in my chest and why grip around that bottle was dangerously close to smashing it. I drank from it trying to calm my nerves. Find the point where it would numb me, calm me, anything.

  I couldn’t contain myself anymore I asked her if she saw him. Blunt, straight to the point and she told me yes. I didn’t expect her to shout it out, to tell me that she had already fucked someone else but I waited for it. I waited for her to bare her sole and tell me she made a mistake but instead she told she took my advice. She pushed it into my face that I was the cause of this. So I was blunt again. I’m fucking pissed off and I wanted to hear her tell me the truth.

  She never lied to me, she told me they went for dinner and although I could tell she left out certain aspects from the photos and the way she looked I couldn’t tell her that. I knew she went out for dinner but I also knew deep down it was more than that. I knew he took her home.

  So I asked the only thing I could ask her and her reply. Her reply gutted me. She said it helped, she didn’t say she regretted anything. She didn’t say it didn’t help. She stated it helped. He did something I couldn’t. He broke through her shell.

  I downed my beer and then noticed my sister and my best friend step onto their make shift stage. They’re holding hands and seem utterly happy. My sister smiles at me looking at Ali and me obvious oblivious to what is happening between us. Cole looks at me and can tell. He knows something is up. My sister grabs a mic and starts talking.

  “Thank you everyone for coming out here today. We have been wanting to get everyone together for awhile now. There is plenty of food and drink and we hope you guys all hang out with us for an amazing memory of celebration.” She stops and looks at Cole then looks back to us. “We wanted everyone here together so we could tell everyone at once.” Cole leans down and kisses her head.

  “WE’RE PREGNANT” she shouts into the mic.

  Everyone starts clapping and standing from their chairs as I sit there in shock. Ali is standing to my side and she looks like she already knew. She claps with a kind small smile o her face, not an inkling of shock to her.

  My fucking friend knocked up my baby sister and she just stands there and smiles.

  I can tell I have had too much to drink and I need to get out of here before I do or say something I regret. My sister and my friend are married and although it took my while to come to terms with this I have. I am supportive of their relationship. I’m just getting angry about everything and the fact that I can tell I'm being irrational means I have had my quota of drinks.

  I stand and walk over to one of the bins set up for collecting the empty drinks and gently set my glass bottle inside. I walk over and kiss my sister on the keep and pat my friend on the shoulder. Ushering them my congratulations so I can sneak out without them being pissed off.

  I walk into the house to go to the bathroom before leave. I splash cold water on my face and dab it dry.

  I open the bathroom door and walk towards the front entrance when I get outside and to my trunk Ali is standing by the door.

  “You can’t drive like this Marcus.” She says to me,

  “Ali you can’t tell me what to fucking do.” I slur to her.

  “I can tell Sam you're being an idiot and you can ruin her night. Maybe get into a crash and kill yourself that should give her the memories she is asking for right. Maybe you’ll be lucky and kill someone else instead of yourself. I hear athletes do well in jail.”

  The sass that comes out of her mouth shocks me and as much as I want to yell at her and call her on her bullshit she is right. I would tarnish this night if I get into the truck and drive home. I expel a large breath and pull out my phone.

  “What are you doing?” She asks me.

  “Calling a cab.” I say punching in the number to the local cab company.

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” She says to me. “Hand me the damn keys and I’ll drive you home.”

  I look up at her, still in shock from the tone she is taking with me. She has always been so delicate. I have never seen this side from her. The take charge and take no shit side of her. I reach into my pocket and hand her the keys, curious as to how this will all end. Ali grabs the keys and climbs into the cab of the truck and starts it up while I still stand there looking at her in shock. She rolls down the window and looks at me.

  “Are we going or are you going to sleep in the driveway?” She asks me.

  I shake myself out of my trance and walk over to the passenger side of the trunk and hop in. Once I have my seatbelt on and she starts backing up I realize I’ve made a huge mistake. The drive home will take probably thirty minutes and now were stuck with a few feet between us and silence.

  I’m stuck with her and the knife in my heart and my back.

  Alexis

  After they made their announcement and I watched him bee-line back into the house I knew he was making a run for it. The way he stumbled up them stairs I feared he would drive home and I’m glad I went and checked because the stupid idiot was going to drive. I was so mad at him for risking his safety and for doing something so reckless that I unleashed my anger on him and it worked.

  It worked in a sense. I didn’t think the whole situation out enough, I feared he would jump in a cab, circle the block back for his truck and then drive home. So I made sure to drive him home in his truck so he had no reason to come back. Once we were in the truck I noticed the error in my logic. We were locked in this truck together and by the questions he was asking earlier he seems to know more than he is letting on. He seemed to know before he even asked.

  The first ten minutes of the driving is silent and when I looked over at him his eyes were closed. He remained silent with no snoring which made me think that he was faking it. I reached over and turned on the radio, leaning my elbow on the door and leaning my head into my hand as I drove.

  The thought of him getting into this truck and something happening to him was heart wrenching to me. I couldn’t imagine a world that he wasn’t in. Which left me thinking about my predicament, every once in a while I would sneak glances at him. I envisioned what my life would be like with him. Away games, home games, off season. The house that he has that I helped Reno, the chemistry we share, the intimacy. The bond we have started to create together, the way that I have trusted him and he has made me feel safe. He always seems to understand what I need and has constantly taking care of me. In the short time we have had together though there has been pain. The time he didn’t come home and when we didn’t speak for all those weeks. There were days where I cried myself to sleep although that wasn’t his fault. The times we had together were amazing, but he also broke up with me and told me I needed to figure out my issues. He told me he couldn’t be with me the way that I was. Would be always abandon me and push me away if I wasn’t exactly he needed me to be.

  Carter is old love. The way that we fell back into our routine so easily, the way he knew my body and how I trusted him. H
ow he didn’t push me and how he was looking for me all this time. He never gave up on me. A decade later and he still makes me feel like the school age girl with a big crush.

  I turn and look over at Marcus again with his brown shaggy hair, his tight blue t shift as he leans in back in his seat and has his eyes closed. He looks so innocent, so serene.

  I look down at the time and back up to the surroundings around us. We’re almost to his house. All this time and all I’ve figured out is that I love both of them and neither of them is the better option.

  Marcus

  I can sense her looking my way through out the car ride. After what feels like an eternity I can feel myself slightly sober up. I open my eyes looking out the window and realize were almost to the house. I’ve had time to calm myself. To rationalize that she did nothing wrong. I broke up with her, they have history. I knew when I walked out that door that I risked pushing her back into his arms. That this could end badly for me. I just wasn’t expecting the pain so quickly.

  I turn and look at her driving. She rest her head on her hand. She looks beautiful and exhausted and I’m a fool for letting her go, for being the bigger person. Her long blonde hair shines in the light, her tanned skin is taunt. She has put some meat on her bones since I first saw her at the house that day. She remains skinny but filled in, muscular, lean. I turn back towards the front window and pull the lever to bring my seat back up. Ali turns and looks at me, she looks sad but she doesn’t say a word turning back towards the road.

  She slows down as she reaches my driveway.

  “I’m sorry.” I say.

  “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” She says to me.

  “I wasn't nice back there.” I tell her. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

  “You didn’t push me away back there Marcus.” She says.

  “I shouldn’t have pushed you away in general.” I say looking at her.

  She pulls into the driveway and doesn’t say a word to me driving up the gravel road. When she gets to the round about at the end she stops and turns the truck off.

  “I’m sorry too.” She says to me.

  “You don’t have any reason to be.” I tell her.

  “But I do.” She says. “I feel like I betrayed us by going out with him and I know you broke up with me and I shouldn’t feel that way but I do.” She continues looking out the window ahead of us. I can see tears rolling down her cheeks. I reach up to her and turn her face towards me.

  “Ali I just want to see you happy. If that means with him then that’s ok, your happiness is all I care about. I don't want you to feel terrible and be with me out of guilt and then resent your choices later in life. If you're with me I want you to be with me fully. I won’t want there to be any doubts. It hurts like fuck, yes of course but that life right.”

  She looks me in the eyes.

  “I love you Marcus and I’m so confused with what I’m supposed to do. Who I’m supposed to be with but I know it deep down I know that I love you.” She says. I close my eyes and let go of her face. I turn and open the truck door getting out and closing it behind me, taking a deep breath and then walking over to the driver side. I open the door and scoop her out into my arms and kiss her. I kiss her with everything that I have, I bare it all for her.

  “I love you too Ali.” I say to her.

  Ali lifts her hands and stroke her fingers through my hair. She grips them and pulls her away from her. She still looks sad.Her body slumps in my hands.

  “Marcus.” She whispers.

  I lower her to the ground and very slowly back away from her afraid to hear what she says next.

  “I need some time.” She says. “I need to process everything and figure it all out.”

  “You want me to wait for you.” I ask her, confused of what she is asking of me.

  “No.” She says. “I’m just asking for some time to make a decision with my heart that I won’t regret or resent like you said.”

  “You really listen to everything that comes out of my mouth.” I say to her. “If I tell you that I’m the man of your dreams and will make you the happiest woman alive does that help? Or that I have never felt or another woman the way that I have felt for you? Or that I will never give up on us? Would any of that help you?” I ask her.

  “I do listen to you, and now I need you to listen to me. You have never upset me, hurt me or made me think you wouldn’t give me a life that I would be proud of, but I have history with Carter and I just found out that I have resented the man for a decade when I didn’t even know the truth. My mind is scrambled and confused. I love you Marcus but I need some time to sort out my thoughts and process everything.” She says to me.

  “I’m sorry.” I tell her. “I’m just afraid of losing you forever.”

  “I’m afraid too.” She says.

  Ali pulls out her phone and I listen to her calling a cab. I don't argue with her or push her anymore. When the cab arrives I hand him money and pay for her fare home. I look into the back window and can’t help but feeling that when I say good-bye to her its goodbye forever.

  Chapter 26

  Alexis

  I got into the taxi that night and when I left I didn’t look out the window. I didn’t look at what I was leaving behind. Instead I rested my head back into my seat, closed my eyes and vowed to fix me so I could make the right decision. I made peace with the fact that if they couldn’t wait for me I could live without them. My mental health was suffering and I couldn’t function anymore. It felt like the rug was pulled out from beneath me. I went home, walked through the door and locked it. I shut off my phone unplugged the house phone and ran a bath. I tried to shut my brain off. No more pros and cons, no more trying to find reasons why one was better than the other because the truth is they are both great. They both deserve to be happy and they deserve someone who can make a choice.

  After my bath I put on my blue satin robe. I ordered in food, pulled out my laptop and focused on my work. The thing that makes me happiest in life. I made a point of putting me first and it was all going well until the doorbell rang. When I answered the door Carter stood there holding flowers and a food delivery bag.

  “Hi Ali. There was a food delivery guy in the elevator with me when I realized he we were going to the same place I sent him away.” I feel his eyes slick over my skin and I feel exposed.

  “Thanks.” I say reaching out for the bag in his hand. “Why are you here?” I ask looking at the flowers in his hand.

  “We haven’t spoke since that night and I wanted to come and see how you are. You haven’t been answering your phone.” He says with a kind smile on his face. A smile that normally would make me weak in the knees but now I just feel numb. Numb to it all, unaffected by his devilish charm. My heart has officially shut down.

  “I’m sorry.” I tell him. “I wasn’t expecting people, but as you can see I’m fine.” I say as I fake a smile.

  “You’re lying.” He says and he pushes the flowers towards me. “These are for you too.”

  I reach out and take the flowers. White and red roses fill the inside. “They’re beautiful.” I say. “Thank you.”

  “Whats going on Ali?” He asks me.

  “Nothing I can’t handle.” I tell him.

  He looks at me unsure of probably what to say or what to do.

  “Is this about us?” He asks with a long face.

  I nod my head at him, afraid that if I speak I will just fall into the usual pattern of sorrow.

  “Do you regret what we did?” He asks me.

  I take a deep breath and look down to the floor between us.

  “I don't regret what happened but I also …ugh.” I back up from the door and walk into my condo leaving the door open for Carter to follow behind. I walk over to the couch and sit down. Carter comes in, closes the door and looks around as he walks into my place. He sits down beside me on the couch and reaches out to hold my hands. The silence swarms around us. C
arter looks down at our intertwined hands and I follow his lead.

  “If you don’t regret what happened then what is it?” He asks.

  I squeeze his hands finding comfort from his smooth skin. I just got him back but somethings different with him.

  “Marcus.” I tell him.

  I can sense his shutter, his body tensing up beside.

  “Marcus…” He whispers.

  I nod my head, unable to find any further words to explain the conflict that I feel inside.

  “I .. uh..” He lets go of my hands and turns away from me on the couch. “I knew you guys were seeing each other before but you said he broke up with you. You indicated that you guys were over.” He says to me.

  I turn away from him and lean back into the couch looking up to the ceiling.

  “He did break up with me but, ” I tell him.

  “But what.” He says, I can sense the anger in his tone. “What is it?”

  “I love him.” I say. Carter groans and stands from the couch, I look over to him and see him pace around between my kitchen and the living area.

  “You love him.” He stops looking up to me. I nod my head to him again. He continues speaking. “I knew this wasn’t going to easy Ali but I don't know I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I knew there could be a possibility that you were involved with someone but you have to realize the sense of hope I had after what happened between us. I hoped we could give us a shot.” He walks over to me kneeling on the floor in front of me., grabbing my face and looking up into my eyes.

  “I never thought I would lose you twice.” He says to me.

  “I never knew I would forgive you.” I tell him. “It took me a long time before I could open up to someone again and Marcus was that person. It took him a while to break through my barriers but he did.” I say.